I was getting there, getting better, getting off the You-and-Me roller-coaster, and now you're gone again, and I mean GONE gone, like missing, undiscoverable, out of touch, out of reach. I'm so scared for you, worried about you. Maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe I should let go like you say you want, but I won't. I won't. I can't. You mean the world to me, and I will fight for you, even if I have to fight against you. No matter what, I love you.
Why have you stopped believing in us, stopped trusting us? Why don't you reach out for us, have faith in us, let us believe in YOU? Why don't YOU believe in you? I've never understood that, never understood how you can't see your light, can't see the burning brilliance that everyone else can see. It's as though you know there is a fire somewhere, but instead of finding it, controlling it, using it to start the world on fire, you're determined to unleash the power uncontrolled and torch yourself, to burn up and burn out and take everyone in and around your path as you go. Why? What is so bad, so terrible with you and about you that you will sabotage your life, sinking it so low and making yourself into something you're not. Do you think street and tough will win daddy's love, daddy's respect? Will it bring back the years that you lost? Bring you closer to him if you can be MORE of what he was or is?
I don't know. I'm blabbing, poking at shadows and hoping I'll hit something. I only know I miss you. I only know there was an unknown caller on my cell at 12:38, and of course I hope that it was you, that you got my messages, that you are reaching out. Please be reaching out. Know that I love you, that I want you, that I will always want you. Know that you matter. Know that, in my eyes, you SHINE.
luvMOM
